"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned"

I guess this is something like a "blog" confession. Maybe this was typed for no reason at all but only used to my own demise. I don't care, I have something heavy on me and I just can't hold it any longer.

Sometimes I feel like I'm giving up the very thing that makes me who I am. Like my faith is a test to my own judgement, the people I chill with and the ones who cloud my judgement. Love, life, friendships, family... everything is changing and I am just diving in. It's insane though, once I thought I knew it all, thought I had every single thing figured out. I never did. Do we ever? Are we so prideful that we tell ourselves we know it all? That we have it all worked out? So selfish, believing we are responsible for our own achievements? I wake up, not thanking God for each breath of life I take and that kills me. I feel like a hypocrite. 

I am a hypocrite. Saying I will keep his presence in my good graces, only to forget. Keeping the Sabbath day holy, only to forget? When the time comes for my own judgement, what will I have to show for it? Years of a misguided adolescence, finding God when the tough touch of the world gets too rough? Man, my faith is not even defined. I can't say, "Oh, I'm Catholic" "Oh, I am a Christian". I can't even remember the last time I went to church!?

So right here, right now. I beg for forgiveness. I beg for God to use me, as his vessel to show others his love. To be a good man, a friend, a lover. To put aside my differences with the world and those who I claim are my enemies. 

Whoa, I sound crazy huh? Well, yeah... It's something crazy and new to me too. Time to put aside differences, and just live. 

Forgive me